Sweetest perfection

Can you see love????

2010-06-06T11:45:00.001-07:00

What do you think? Is love something you can see??? And if you do? How can you see it????

My Website!!!!

2009-01-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

It has finally launched, for those interested, check it out. It's based on reclycling, recycled art, and my sweet city of Los Angeles. Oh and let's not forget about the Ollin Cafe adventures!!!! You can check out my goodies though my website, and my used bookstore as well.

Blessings.

My Website

2009-01-19T04:49:00.000-08:00

I have a website coming up soon. I will start writing again. Inspiration is coming through. I have been going through rough times and lack of inspiration to write. I am excited. I will post up a new website for my recycled art.

I hope you all have a great new start of the year!!!!!

Immigration

2008-01-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

What is your honest opinion about it?

This is something that truly bothers me.. how people are harrassed, how they are enslaved, tormented, accused, stepped on... and still take it all in.. why? because if you show strength.. your taken out.. i hate the fact that there is so much segregation with being legal or not.. even in the church.. and it's so uncomfortable. God knows.. he knows true hearts..and i want to know his more.. and i know that he doesn't condemn you for being "illegal".

Another thing, I've noticed that recently, the only ones to be illegals seems more targeted on the Latino community... and it sux.. Honestly, when i came to the Lord.. i knew that i didn't have to worry about race or color.. and i always talk with my friend DD about how we all come from the same blood.. literally.. if you think about it in the beginning, there was Adam and Eve.. the first two people that God created.. and where did we come from? This is not a war about immigration.. this is a war about hate, greed, race.. everything that doesn't matter.. if you die a white, black , asian, mexican, salvadorean, etc. man, does that mean your going to go to your race heaven or hell? NO.. ofcourse not.. God did not choose color.. he didn't make us equal, he made us different for certain puposes, but it wasn't so we could harrass each other with stupid things like these!!!

A lot of people i know come from an "illegal" background, there are some good stories and some sad ones.. A lot of people judge and don't even think about the reasons or situations a lot of people come here.. reasons because the government in their country sux.. because the government is not for the people... and that sux.. poverty, brings people over, their children.. And people come over because they don't want their kids going through the same thing they did, like sleeping on cement beds, and having to share a thin sheet, not even a blanket with your siblings.. having hay roofs where the wind and the breeze comes in... and having to be eight or younger to help your parents to buy food..

My grandfather died when my mom was little. so grandma was on her own.. and my mom had no choice but to quit school. and work by the age of six or seven.. she was a very smart girl.. and she is an intelligent woman.. and well, circumstances led to her not have a education.. because the poverty in her country is bad.. they wont give people that are 35 years old jobs anymore.. so what are people supposed to do? starve to death of figure out a solution to feed either yourself or family?

I see myself in these times wanting to fight for this.. that it's not fair that we continue to be slandered because we are Mexican, Central American, Latino or Hispanic. But at the same time.. i want to fight for those that are being separated... for the youth that are not respected, for the poor that are treated like shit, for the people that graciously pick our food and are literally legal slaves, for the abused children, for the abused mothers, for the oppressed, for those that are not wanted. But I want to live a life for God.. and i want to be a part of those that reaches out to people like the ones i love and those that are not loved.. legal or illegal.. God made you!!!

Just know that.. were are no different from each other.. we just have different gifts , cultures, and skills that can contribute to make a master piece!!!!

Thoghts

2008-01-07T11:33:00.000-08:00

THERE IS ALWAYS A DEBATE ABOUT WHO GOES TO HEAVEN AND WHY.. AND MY BROTHER WAS ALWAYS WONDERING WHY DOES A MURDER THAT ASKS FOR FORGIVENESS AND REPENTS GETS TO GO TO HEAVEN, AND Y DOES A GOOD PERSON THAT DOES GOOD... AND DOESN'T REPENT.. GOES TO HELL.

THAT WAS IN MY MIND ABOUT A COUPLE WEEKS AGO.. AND I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT.. AND UP TO THIS POINT IT SOUNDS CRAZY... BUT IT'S SOMETHING I HAD FOUND CLOSER IN THE BOOK OF LUKE.. I WAS READING MY BIBLE.. AND SUDDENLY I CAME ACROSS THE STORY OF THE CRUCIFIXION...

WHICH IS IN ALL THE GOSPELS.. BUT I WAS READING LUKE 23...

I STARTED READING.. AND THEN.. I NOTICED THE STORY DEEPLY.. AND REMEMBER IN THE STORY, THERE WERE TWO THIEFS.... AND IN THE BIBLE A SIN IS A SIN.. WEATHER YOUR A MURDERE A THIEF, AND EVEN HATING ANOTHER PERSON IS LIKE MURDER.. WHICH IS CRAZY.. HUH!

SO I WAS READING ALONG ABOUT THE THIEFS THAT WERE NEXT TO CHRIST.. CHECK THIS OUT...

LUKE 23:32-45

TWO OTHERS, WHO WERE CRIMINALS, WERE LED AWAY TO BE PUT TO DEATH WITH HIM. AND WHEN THEY CAME TO THE PLACE THAT IS CALLED (THE SKULL), THERE THEY CRUCIFIED HIM, AND THE CRIMINALS, ONE ON HIS RIGHT AND ONE ON HIS LEFT. AND JESUS SAID, "FATHER FORGIVE THEM, FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO." AND THEY CAST LOTS TO DIVIDE HIS GARMENTS. AND THE OTHER PEOPLE STOOD BY WATCHING, BUT THE RULERS SCOFFED AT HIM, SAYING, "HE SAVED OTHERS; LET HIM SAVE HIMSELF, IF HE IS THE CHRIST OF GOD, HIS CHOSEN ONE!" THE SOLDIERS ALSO MOCKED HIM, COMING UP AND OFFERING HIM SOUR WINE AND SAYING, "IF YOU ARE THE KING OF THE JEWS, SAVE YOURSELF!" THERE WAS ALSO AN INSCRIPTION OVER HIM, "THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS."

ONE OF THE CRIMINALS WHO WERE HANGED RAILED AT HIM, SAYING, "ARE YOU NOT THE CHRIST? SAVE YOURSELF AND US!" BUT THE OTHER REBUKED HIM, SAYING, "DO YOU NOT FEAR GOD, SINCE YOU ARE UNDER THE SAME SENTENCE OF CONDEMNATION? AND WE INDEED JUSTLY, FOR WE ARE RECEIVING THE DUE REWARD OF OUR DEEDS: BUT THIS MAN HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG."

AND HE SAID, "JESUS REMEMBER ME WHEN YOU COME INTO YOUR KINGDOM."

AND HE SAID TO HIM, "TRULY, I SAY TO YOU, TODAY YOU WILL BE WITH ME IN PARADISE."

WOW.. ISN'T THAT AWESOME.. I MEAN.. THER YOU HAVE IT.. AND I HAD THIS GOD MOMENT.. AND I WAS JUST AMAZED.. AND I SHARED THIS STORY WITH MY HUSBAND FIRST.. HE LOVES CHRIST.. BUT HE FEELS THAT EVEN IF HE IS A BELIEVER... ALL THE BAD THINGS HE DOES IN LIFE, HE FEELS THAT HE DOESN'T DESERVE GOD'S LOVE OR GRACE... AND THAT IS THE GRACE OF GOD.. EVEN AT THE CRUCIFIX.. BEING HAMMERED.. SLAPPED, SPAT AT, BLEEDING, IN PAIN AND AGONY.. HE HAD GRACE FOR THIS MAN.. AND I TOLD MY HUSBAND WHAT GOD HAD REVEALED.. AND WHEN I FINISHED MY STORY... HOW THE LORD.. DOESN'T LOOK AT THE BAD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE.. HE LOOKS FOR YOU TO COME TO HIM.. AND JUST ASK FOR FORGIVENESS... AND BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE HIS.. AND WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT.. HE SAID, "THANK YOU BABE, THOSE WORDS MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER... I FEEL GOOD!".. AND I WAS LIKE WOW.. PRAISE GOD.. IT WASN'T ME.. IT WAS HIM THAT GAME ME THIS TO USE FOR THOSE THAT WERE FEELING HOPELESS IN THE MIDST OF CRISIS..

I ALSO GOT TO SHARE THIS WITH MY BRO.. AND HE WAS SPEECHLESS.. HE SAYS HE DOESN'T BELIEVE.. BUT I KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE THERE IS CURIOSITY.. AND GOD SLOWLY IS MOVING. IN HIS HEART.. AND HE WAS TRIPPING WHEN I TOLD HIM THIS STORY.. AND IT'S ALL IN THE BIBLE.. NOTHING I DID.. WHICH IS SO COOL.. LOL..

SO THIS IS JUST A THOUGHT THAT I HAD TO SHARE.. AND I WAS READY TO POST.. LOL..

THOSE ARE MY WORDS FOR GOD EVERYDAY, "JESUS RMEMBER ME WHEN YOU COME INTO YOUR KINGDOM"!!

ATLEAST IF NO ONE ON THIS EARTH REMEMBERS ME.. I KNOW HE WILL!!!

CHECK ME OUT...

2007-09-22T15:33:00.001-07:00

YOU CAN CHECK SOME OF MY OTHER BLOGS ON

WWW.MYSPACE.COM/NIGHTMARECHICK

OR SOME OF MY ART.. DON'T HAVE MUCH.. BUT I WILL BE POSTING SOON..

WWW.NIGHTMARECHICK.DEVIANTART.COM

BLAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

2006-03-27T03:02:00.000-08:00

THIS WHOLE WEEKEND EXPERIENCE FOR ME WAS KIND OF AKWARD... IT FEELS AS IF IT'S QUITE HARD TO EXPLAIN. I WENT WITH A GROUP TO A YOUTH CONVENTION CALLED BATTLE CRY... IT WAS INTERESTING, BUT AT THE SAME TIME... I HAD WEIRD FEELINGS ABOUT IT. IT'S BEEN REALLY HARD TO PROCESS EVERYTHING, ALL THE WORDS, THE WORSHIP, THE INFORMATION, THE ACTIONS... I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL PROCESS ALL THIS QUITE WELL. IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE, JUST GOING OUT TO ANOTHER PLACE AND SEE THOUSANDS OF YOUNG KIDS JUST PRAISE GOD... IT WAS REALLY ENCOURAGING... BUT AT THE SAME TIME... THERE WERE THINGS THAT SEEMED HARD TO UNDERSTAND... SOMETHING THAT WAS VERY HARD FOR ME IS THE WHOLE CHRISTIANS AGAINST CHRISTIAN THING... I MEAN THERE WERE OTHER CHRISTIANS OUTSIDE THE PLACE, WHERE WE WERE SAYING THAT WE DIDN'T LOVE GOD, OR THE BIBLE BECAUSE WE WERE BEING GUIDED BY THE BROAD WAY... WHICH, WAS HARD FOR ME... WE SPEAK ABOUT BATTLES, AND THE ARMY OF GOD... BUT GOD'S OWN ARMY JUST KEEPS BATTLELING EACH OTHER... WE KEEP USING THE SPIRITUAL WEAPONS AGAINS EACH OTHER... I MEAN... WHAT IS UP WITH THAT WHOLE DEAL... I DON'T UNDERSTAND... THAT WAS HARD FOR ME... AT THAT TIME WHEN ALL THOSE WORDS WERE JUST FLOWING IN MY HEAD... I WAS MAD... MAD AT THE FACT THAT WE ARE SO BLINDED, AND WE THINK THAT THIS IS A COMPETITION... GOD DOESN'T CARE HOW GOOD YOU ARE, HOW SMART YOU ARE, HOW GREAT YOU DO THINGS... HE ONLY WANTS YOU TO BE WHO HE WANTS YOU TO BE.... AND SOMETIMES, WE STRIVE TO DO ALL THESE THINGS, THESE "GREAT" THINGS... FOR HIM? NO... IT IS FOR OURSELVES... BECAUSE IF WE DON'T DO THESE THINGS... WE DON'T FEEL THAT WE ARE DOING ENOUGH...

I CAN TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW IN THIS POINT OF TIME IM MY LIFE... I'M BROKEN... I FEEL ALONE, I FEEL THAT THE LIFE THAT I AM LIVING SUX... AND I DON'T FEEL THAT ALL THAT I DO IS FOR GOD... SOMETIMES, I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING.. AND I DON'T, I SPACE OUT IN THIS WORLD... DOING NOTHING... FEELING SO NUMB... SO WASTED, I FEEL OLD INSIDE, LIKE IF THE LIFE WAS SUCKED OUT OF ME... MY HOPE IS LOST... MY FAITH IS SWALLOWED, MY TRUST IS FAR, AND I KNOW THAT I AM DESPERATE... DESPERATE TO FEEL GOD'S PRESCENCE... DESPERATE TO LIVE, TO LOVE, TO ENJOY MY CREATOR... BUT IT'S HARD... IT'S SO FREAKIN' HARD...

I KNOW THAT TRYING... IS DEFINITELY OUT OF THE PICTURE... THE MORE I TRY.. THE MORE I SUCK AT THINGS... THE MORE I TRY TO CHANGE MYSELF, THE MORE ANGRY I GET AT MYSELF... THE MORE I DO THINGS TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER, THE MORE EMPTY IF FEEL.... AND I ASK... WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS... I DON'T KNOW... I DON'T KNOW WHY GOD IS MAKING ME GO THROUGH THESE THINGS... WHY THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE IS HAPPENING... BUT I KNOW THAT IT IS ALL FOR HIS GLORY... I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE... BUT I KNOW...

IT'S BEEN HARD TO BELIEVE THAT GOD WOULD LOVE A PERSON LIKE ME... A COLD HEARTED, DEPRESSED, ANXIOUS, SHAMEFUL PERSON LIKE ME.... IT'S BEEN HARD TO EXCEPT GOD'S LOVE... BECAUSE DEEP DOWN INSIDE... I KNOW THAT I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF IT... I DON'T DESERVE TO BE LOVED BY THE MOST HIGH... WHEN I KEEP FALLING, AND DROWNING IN SELF PITTY, ANGER, BITTERNESS, DEPRESSION, HOPELESSNESS... AND EVENTHOUGH I HAVE ALL THESE AND OTHER FLAWS... HE DOESN'T CARE... HE DOESN'T CARE HOW MANY TIME I FALL, BECAUSE WHEN I LEAST EXPECT IT... HE WILL LIFT ME UP AGAIN...

I AM WAITING TO GET OUT OF IT... AND BEING AT SAN FRANCISCO... I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD FORGET ABOUT LOTS OF THINGS... AND START OVER... BUT NO.... THOSE THOUGHTS, IMAGES, WORDS, THAT HAUNT ME KEEP ME DISTRACTED... I DON'T WANT THEM... I DON'T NEED THEM... BUT I KNOW THAT I NEED TO DEAL WITH THEM.. I NEED TO DEAL WITH THE CRAP THAT IS STORED IN MY HEART.. I CONTINUE TO ASK GOD TO HELP ME WITH THIS... AND I CONTINUE TO GIVE THINGS OVER AND OVER TO HIM... AND SOMETIMES THEY ARE THE SAME THINGS... AND I GET TIRED... THAT THEY KEEP WOUNDING ME...

MEMORIES, EXPERIENCES, SITUATIONS... THAT I WISH I WOULD GET RID OF ... CONTINUE TO CUT ME... TO HURT ME... TO OPEN THE WOUNDS EVEN DEEPER... I'VE DEALT WITH LOTS OF ISSUES, LIKE MY FATHER... HE ABANDONED US WHEN WE WERE LITTLE... MET WITH HIM AGAIN AS WE GREW... LIVED WITH HIM 5 YEARS AGO... TALKED TO HIM 1 YEAR AGO... AND ALL THE THINGS HE SAID, HIS ACTIONS, THE IMAGES I HAVE OF HIM... ARE ALL NEGATIVE... I KNOW THAT I'VE FORGAVE HIM.. AND I KNOW THAT I LOVE HIM... BUT THIS PROCESS SOMETIMES IS SO SLOW... SOMETIMES CERTAIN DATES, CERTAIN DAYS... CERTAIN WORDS, CERTAING THINGS... ETC. REMIND ME OF HIM... AND THAT ANGER RISES... I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE HE'S HURT... HE HURT MY MOTHER... HE HURT MY BROTHER... AND HE'S HURTING MY STEP SIBLINGS... I DON'T ONLY HURT FOR MYSELF... I HURT FOR THEM TOO... AND GOD KNOWS, THAT IT IS HARD FOR ME... HE KNOWS MY HEART... BUT HE ALSO KNOWS WHAT IT'S CAPABLE OF...

IT'S SO HARD FOR ME SOMETIMES, BECAUSE THE LAST THING THAT I EVER WANT IN THIS WORLD IS PAIN... SUFFERING... CRAP!!!! AND IT HAPPENS... AND GOD KNOWS THAT... AND WHEN I FALL INTO THESE ANGRY HABITS... THESE NEGATIVE FEELINGS... I GET SO ANGRY AT GOD... I ASK MYSELF WHY HE ALLOWS THESE THINGS... IN MY LIFE! WHEN HE KNOWS THAT I DON'T NEED THAT... BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT THIS ROAD WAS NOT EASY... I AM NOT A VICTIM... I'M JUST A CRIMINAL AS ANYBODY ELSE OUT THERE... WE CONTINUE TO CRUCIFY HIM ON THE CROSS DAILY... AND YET I COMPLAIN... I CONTINUE TO PIN HIM AND NAIL HIM TO THE CROSS, IN MY ANGER... AND WE ALL DO THE SAME... IN OTHER WAYS OF OUR LIVES....

ONE DAY I KNOW THAT ALL THESE THINGS WILL LEAVE, THEY WILL BE GONE, BY HIS POWER... I DON'T KNOW WHY I FEEL THIS WAY... I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM EMPTY, ALONE, AND AFRAID... I'VE NEVER BEEN SO AFRAID IN MY LIFE... I'VE NEVER BEEN SO SCARED TO LIVE... AND TO CONTINUE LIFE IN THIS WORLD... SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN WANT TO WALK OUT OF MY ROOM, I JUST WANT TO HIDE... AND SPACE OUT... I TRY TO FIX THINGS IN MY HEAD... BUT I KNOW THAT I NEED GOD...

EXPERIENCING THE WHOLE CHRISTIAN AGAINST CHRISTIAN THING... I WANTED TO SHOUT, CRY, AND KNEEL BEFORE GOD... I WANTED IT TO STOP... I WANTED PEOPLE TO LOVE EACH OTHER... WHEN I WALKED AWAY.... I WAS MAD... MAD BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I'VE DONE THAT... AND I DON'T WANT THAT IN MY LIFE... I DON'T WANT TO BATTLE AGAINST MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS... AND IT MADE ME APPRECIATE THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE A LOT MORE... BUT IT ALSO MADE ME ANGRY INSIDE... BECAUSE THE MORE WE CONTRADICT, ARGUE, COMPETE AGAINST EACH OTHER... THE FARTHER IT IS FOR US TO KNOW GOD COMPLETELY... WE JUDGE, BASH, AND TALK SMACK ABOUT EACH OTHER... IT IS AWFUL...

AT THE SAME TIME... I DON'T KNOW WHY ALL THAT HAPPENED OVER THERE... I WASN'T GOING TO STOP AND LISTEN... BUT I WAS GLAD I DID... SOMETHING THAT CAME THROUGHT MY HEAD AT THAT POINT WAS JUST THE EARLY CHURCH IN ACTS... WE FIGHT ABOUT DENOMINATIONS... ABOUT WHOSE ACTIONS WORK BETTER, ABOUT WHO IS MORE SPIRITUAL... EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T SPEAK OF THESE THINGS... WE FEEL THEM... AND THE EARLY CHURCH HAD IT ALL, THERE WAS NO DENOMINATION, JUST ONE BIG FAMILY THAT CARED FOR EACH OTHER.. ONE BIG FAMILY THAT LOVED GOD... ONE BIG FAMILY THAT WERE EXPERIENCING GOD TOGETHER... AND AS I LOOK AT THESE BATTLES AGAINST EACH OTHER... I FEEL THAT THERE IS LESS UNITY AMONG BELIEVERS... EVERYONE WANTS TO HAVE IT BETTER , KNOW IT BETTER, AND WALK IT BETTER... BUT THERE IS NO SUCH THINGS AS BETTER, ... I KNOW MYSELF... THAT I AM NOT BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU OUT THERE... I AM A SAINT THAT SINS... I AM IMPERFECT... MY HEART GROWS COLD AT TIMES... I DON'T LOVE LIKE I SHOULD... I CONTINUE TO WALK IN MY OLD LIFESTYLE AT TIMES...

ONE DAY... WE WILL ALL TAKE THE BLINDFOLD OFF... AND REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT GOD WANTS... I DON'T UNDERSTAND FULLY YET... I KNOW THAT ONE DAY I WILL... AND ONE DAY I WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I AM GOING THROUGH WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH... ONE DAY.. I WILL LOOK BACK AND KNOW THAT THIS WASN'T IN VEIGN... THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR I FEEL AWAY FROM HIM... IT WAS WHEN HE WAS CLOSEST TO ME... I WILL WAIT FOR THAT DAY...

I HOPE THAT IF YOU READ THIS, THOSE WHO KNOW ME DON'T GET UPSET... UPSET OF HOW CRUEL I COULD BE!!! I'M LEARNING LIKE ALL OF YOU ARE... I'M JUST POURING OUT MY HEART... MY HONEST FEELINGS... HONEST EXPRESSIONS... KNOW THAT I AM NOT PERFECT... YOU AREN'T EITHER.. WE ALL HAVE FLAWS, STRUGGLES, SIN ISSUES, PROBLEMS, REGRETS, DISTRACTIONS... AND WHATEVER YOU HAVE... I KNOW THERE IS HOPE... I KNOW I NEED TO TRUST GOD... AND HAVE PEACE, AND JOY IN MY TRANSGRESSIONS... BUT I AM STILL LEARNING HOW TO DO THAT... I'M EXCITED ABOUT WHAT COMES OUT OF THIS AND WHAT GOD WILL TEACH ME THROUGH THIS... I'M TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY THOUGH... I WISH IT WAS GONE.... BUT FOR NOW... I JUST NEED TO WAIT... WAIT AND SEE... IT'S HARD, IT MAKES ME MAD SOMETIMES... BUT I STILL HAVE PATIENCE... AND I KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT FOR MY OWN GLORY... IT'S FOR HIS...

what is your personality type?

2006-01-16T14:53:00.000-08:00

Well, the reason why i ask such a question it is because, last week was my first day to take the personality test... it ended up that i was an INFJ... it know to be that INFJ are a rare type... and there is not many of us out there and that we are special... but most of the things that is said about us are not things that in our own mind and understanding we feel that way. Well, it comes out to be that we are very complex people with a deep convoluted feelings... we are people that like being alone a lot... and we are often confuse as extroverts... we are not antisocial... we are people persons... but it is just hard to really understand who we are even for ourselves.... we can't really figure out who the heck we are.... Well, after reading everything in that ... it was kind of funny to really find out who you are and how one test really explains to you why or the things you do it is becuase that is how you were made.... even in the career paths... i wanted to be a teacher , counselor or a psychologist... but that is one of the jobs that are better suited for us... and we are also well, in leadership... which is weird cuz i lead a small group and a skate group... how crazy is that... i always new i was different... and i am happy with that... i don't like carrying the same routine everyday.... i don't like planning things much... i like it when my creativity kicks in and i am able to be spontaneous and i can also be very mellow.... or energetic... but most of the time... i want to change myself.... which is not really a good thing for me to even try to do.. i don't know why i do that. but i think that sometimes i just wish i could find the answer to every problem and not have them anymore in my life. what a freakin' weirdo ey... but yeah...
so lately, i have been doing a lot of thinking... thinking ofways of how to change my life... but you know it is impossible for me to do that... i have Christ now... but i am so stubborn to know and understand that if i don't leave things up to him to change in me... i will always be miserable... and stupid about myself... self-pitty... and i don't want that to happen... there are just so many freakin' problems that i don't even know where to start from... i was staying with my family, great times!!! i praise God for that opportunity... and for the moments with everysingle one of my family members.... i love them... and then lately my boyfriend and i have really been hanging out without being idiots with each other... which is great too. but something in myself is causing me to reflect on my stupidity and sin and just how wrong my life is... I was feeling very guilty cuz i knew lately that i was mad at God and i was just not caring of what He and I had... and now I realize how much more i need him... without him... i wouldn't have a family, a boyfriend, and friends that i can be with... i love you God... eventhough i still am struggling, i need to learn how to trust you...!!! and i know that the hard times are the best times to be with him... but why am i so stubborn on thinking the total opposite... because we are sick little humans that don't know more than to complain and whine about how crappy our lives are... when there are people in other countries suffering worst... emotionally, physically, financially, and in everyway that you can imagine... and those are the people that give everything to Christ... and risk it all for Him... i want to be one of them... but the way i complain... i feel as if i just don't deserve his grace or mercy... but it is not up to me to deserve it... because God is greater than punishment... i don't feel that he punishes me... i feel that i punish my self by being dumb... and when i am doing crap... it is when God brings everything on to me... and i feel overwhelmed with joy becuase if he wasn't a support in my life... i would of been screwed a long time ago... and well, i am still working on giving my sin and everthing to christ... and i fully want to experience his love... so pray for me...

at His service,
Nightmarechick

The driest season in the world!!!

2006-01-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

Today, this whole day, i just did nothing and I had plans, made back up plans but nothing worked out... instead i waited. but the more i waited the lazier i got. Not anything new but yeah. I was just wondering how this year will be. It is amazing how fast our last year just dropped by, and how my life just flashes before my eyes... it is weird... It is been hard trusting God with the life he has given me... it is hard to let him guide me becuase sometimes i feel like such a catastrophe.. and that my life my hidden life is never going to change... the way i feel about others and how i really can't stop being sad or depressed or upset or angry... i hate those feelings... and the more i look at myself, the more i hate my situation, my life, myself, the things around me... sometimes i wish i was just a cartoon character... just come to life when it is necessary, and when that half an hour is over, there is something new to be done the next that character comes back... i've always wondered how a cartoon characters life was like... easy solutions to struggles, easy life, just foolish, but funny, and no matter how stupid you are, you are still cool to everyones eyes... but you cant please anyone.
Maybe that's been my problem lately, I feel like i have to please everyone and I am here dried like a raisin becuase time for myself seems just to far out of the reach of my hands... i feel encarcerated by all these high demands,by judgement from others, being looked at like if i'm some kind of lab animal.... i am tired of being someones puppet. I don't feel like i am excepted anywhere... but you know what... i don't think that i should worry about that anyway... because, i am tired of the man... i want to give my full life to my God... and sometimes "the man" wants more and more, not that maybe God doesn't, but atleast he doesn't want more of the things i can do for him... he wants more of me... he wants a full loving relationship with me... and why can't i just understand that. why is it so hard to just fully give him everything... why can't i hear him out like i used to. why do i feel so alone, when i know that i am not. but you know most of all, i hate complaining about myself... i hate putting myself in and drowning in my own pitty, i hate being a victim, i hate the way i can be to myself sometimes... but i love who God is in me... i want people to see him not me... becuase even though it is not about me, i am here for a purpose, to follow him, to love him, but he loves me more than i love myself or others, he loves me so much that he gave his life for me... but if you know me... don't criticize why i write this, just pray for me... and i would really much appreciate this from you .... I love you all, thanx to my God, family, boyfriend, friends, and all who know me... thanx for your honest words and support...
I hope that this year wont be so dry, eventhough at times i don't want to keep doing certaing things that are good, i will pray that God will open my heart soul and mind, and that i would completely dedicate my life to God and the things of God. That i would be able to hear his voice,and to seek his face, and to feel his unconditional love just pouring down on me.... that his spirit would just dwell in me... and with that i would have joy,peace, rest, throught good and hard times... everyday has a new battle, but every battle is for Him, because we know that he has placed us right where we are. Well, this is all for now, i hope you all have a good night and a blessed one too.

Colossians 4:2-6
2Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 3And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. 4Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. 5Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Colossians 1:15-23
15He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
21Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[f] your evil behavior. 22But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— 23if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

Never will I know what this means...

2005-11-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

WHY GOD FORGIVES US ALL THE TIME AND WHY HIS LOVE IS SO GREAT OR US... IT IS SO AMAZING AND POWERFULL.. GOD IS THE MOST AMAZING PERSON IN MY LIFE...YES HE IS A PERSON NOT A THING.... HE IS THE LIVING GOD THAT CREATED THIS WORLD AND CREATED YOU... HE IS THE LORD THAT IS SOVEREIGN AND HE IS THE HUMBLE KING... HE IS THE ONE THAT DAILY SERVES US WITHOUT COMPLAINING, WHEN WE SERVE AND COMPLAIN. HE IS THE ONE THAT PROTECTS US AND IS OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN AND IN THIS WORLD... HE FIGHTS DAILY FOR US TO GROW AND FEED US THE FOOD WE NEED, THE WORD THAT IS ALIVE AND LIVES IN US. THE WORD THAT IS PROPHECIED... I LOVE MY LORD AND YAHWEH... MY ABBA FATHER... MY HUMBLE KING... LORD LORDS, THE ONE THAT JUDGES SIN...BUT LOVES WHO HE HAS MADE.

NEVER WILL I UNDERSTAND HOW GREAT THE LORD IS... IN THOSE TIMES OF DISTRESS, DOUBT AND CONFUSION, THOSE ARE THE TIMES WHEN, I LEAST LOVE HIM AND HE BLESSES ME THE MOST!!! AND I ASK MYSELF, WHY LORD... WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD TO ME? WHY DON'T YOU PUNISH ME OR CONVICT ME OF MY SHAMEFUL AND UGLY NATURE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOD LOVES THE UGLY AND SHAMEFUL, THE NAKED, THE BROKEN, THE SICK, THE WEAK AND THE POOR.... AND AT TIMES WE THINK THAT WE HAVE OVERCOME ALL THESE THINGS... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT... THE LORD IS GOOD... THOUGH DAILY WE CONTINUE TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD, IT IS TO PERFECT US... FOR US TO THIRST AND HUNGER NOT BECAUSE GOD IS SELFISH BUT BECAUSE HE KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR US... HIS WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE,AND STRENGTH, POWER, LOVE, AND DESIRE TO KNOW US,EVEN THOUGH WE SHOULD BE THE ONES KNOWING HIM, IS JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

GOD IS ASKING US TO DINE WITH HIM...HE INVITES US DAILY TO COME IN AND TO LET HIM LOVE US...THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO HIM IS THAT WE WOULD LET OURSELVES UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE ACCEPTED AND LOVE NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE DONE... HE ASKS US TO REPENT AND SURRENDER OUR SELVES... TO KNOW THAT HE NOT ONLY WITH US THAT HE IS IN US...HE LOVES US NO MATTER HOW WE LOOK, HOW WE DRESS, OR HOW WE ARE... ALL HE CARES IS ABOUT OUR HEART AND THAT WE LET HIM HEAL OUR WOUNDS.... THAT WE WOULD LET HIM SEARCH US AND JUST TAKE OVER TO TRANSFORM US... FOR EVERY INCH OF OUR BODY TO BE ALL HIS... GOD IS GOOD... HIS PLANS ARE GOOD... GOD FORGIVE ME FOR THE THINGS THAT I HAVE DONE WRONG... BUT I KNOW THAT YOU CARE MORE OF MY HEART...AND YOU DON'T FOCUS ON MY WRONG BUT ON WHAT YOU ARE DOING IN ME... I LOVE YOU GOD WITH ALL MY HEART, BODY, SOUL, AND MIND.... TO YOU I GIVE YOU PRAISE... TO MY FATHER... MY GOD, MY GUIDANCE, MY LEADER, MY FIRST LOVE... I LOVE YOU GOD...

Crazy season!

2005-11-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

LATELY, AS I FACE TIME... I'VE FELT QUITE ALONE AND ABANDONED IN ALL THINGS THAT THERE CAN BE IN LIFE BUT IN REALITY YOU KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE... WHY? BECAUSE I HAVE A GOD... THAT WILL NEVER FORSAKEN ME.... AT TIMES WE FEEL THAT HE IS NOT WITH US OR THAT HE LEAVES US.. BUT IN REALITY IT IS US THAT GIVE UP... OUR FLESH WANTS TO GET IN THE WAY AND OUR FLESH WANTS TO RULE US... AND IN THOSE TIMES OF MY SINFUL NATURE ARE THE TIMES THAT GOD IS EVEN CLOSER TO ME AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CLUE ABOUT IT... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOD IS GOOD...

LATELY, GOD HAS BEEN JUST BREAKING MY HEART FOR PEOPLE. HE SHOWS PEOPLE TO ME. ONE OF THE BIGGEST WAYS THAT I NEVER THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD BREAK MY HEART WAS JUST MY THINKING OF WELL, IF THINGS HAPPEN THEY HAPPEN... BUT IN REALITY.. WHEN THAT COMES, IT IS HARD... I CANNOT IGNORE THE FACT THAT SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED AND THAT I NEED TO DEAL WITH IT... BUT HE IS EXALTED ON HIGH... BECAUSE HE IS KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS... IT IS KIND OF FUNNY... BECAUSE TO ME I KNOW OF NO OTHER KING OR LORD BUT MY FATHER IN HEAVEN.. MY ABBA FATHER... MY DADDY!!! I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART...

TODAY HE TOUGHT ME SO MANY THINGS.... JUST SEEING HIS PERFECTION, I CAN SEE THE IMPERFECTIONS IN MY HEART... BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING... HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THAT... BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT I WILL OVERCOME ALL THAT... BUT IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE THAT SOMETIMES BECAUSE YOU DEAL WITH THINGS THAT YOU WOULD NEVER THING YOU WOULD... AND IT DISCOURAGES ME AT THE MOMENT... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I LOVE THE FACT THAT AT TIMES, WHEN I FEEL LIKE HE IS NOT THERE WITH ME, HE IS EVEN CLOSER THAN WHAT I CAN THINK OF... HE USES ME FOR HIS GLORY... AND HIS KINGDOM...

I WORRY SO MUCH OF MY FINANCIAL SITUATION, BUT YET I TEND TO FORGET THAT MY FATHER IS THE RICHEST OF THEM ALL... THAT HE OWNS EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING BELONGS TO HIM... BUT I TELL YOU, HE IS MY GUIDANCE, PROTECTION, MY EVERYTHING... MY FIRST LOVE, MY FRIEND AND A PARENT... AND HE HAS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD.. BEING A PARENT IS NOT EASY... SPECIALLY WHEN HE HAS CHILDREN WORLDWIDE... JUST IMAGINE HOW MANY OF US ARE OUT THERE THAT HE NEEDS TO WATCH OVER... MILLIONS... BUT HE ALSO SUFFERS WITH US.. LETS NOT FORGET ABOUT THAT... I LOVE YOU FATHER GOD... YOU ARE THE BEST... I THANK YOU FOR MY FAMILY, MY BOYFRIEND, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS, AND FOR YOUR CREATION, FOR THE BEAUTY OF PEOPLE... I LOVE YOU MY LORD, MY GOD, MY SAVIOR, TO YOU I SURRENDER... BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTHY OF IT...

Good is good!!

2005-11-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

Matthew 10:17-31
17"Be on your guard against men; they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues. 18On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. 19But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, 20for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.
It is crazy how lately the Spirit of my Father has spoken through me and it is no longer when He wants things to be known. I’ve caught myself in situations like these lately. With classmates, friends, family, youth. The reason for such things is because I’ve been in a really dry place. One Saturday morning, I had no idea what the heck was going on with me… until I was balling at the Lords feet. I surrendered what I was feeling, my anxieties, my worries, and everything that I needed to. It was just a great time of worship and of alone time with the Lord. And just after all the sins and crap in my heart God continues to use me for what is needed to be fulfilled. My Fathers Spirit is just so amazing and the things it helps you in, it is our Mighty Counselor at all times. Praise God for that and more…
21"Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. 22All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. 23When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. I tell you the truth, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes.
Isn’t this a trip… the Lord was just showing me how in all the things that have been happening, persecution, people against people and hate and all, it is all for us to be grown and stand firm till the end. It’s been kind of crazy as well, because, not that my brother or so has killed anyone, but one thing that I’ve realized with this scriptures is just how brothers and sisters in Christ, and myself we don’t acknowledge that we are “murderers”, nailing Christ on the Cross over and over like it’s no tomorrow. How when we dislike or hate, or are jealous or we persecute each other, we are killing each other and what God wants to do. God says, in 1 John 3:16-20
16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
God shows us how to love our brothers and sisters and how to be with one another… I remember one time one person told me that there was a difference, that we were either only sisters in the Lord or that were that and good frieds and the person told me in other words that our relationship was only there because we both had one thing in common and it was God… that was very ugly and I thought to myself, well, I was willing to take more of a bigger step in this, but they had already cut the hope and layed down the law.. and the Spirit of control was just wow!!! Narrowly but you know what. … God also says in 1 John 3:11-15
11This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 12Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous. 13Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. 14We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 15Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.
It is very important to love our brothers and sister unconditionally, just like Jesus love us that way… We need to stop putting labels to people names and we need to stop looking at people in the flesh, “murdering” them in your hate.. and condemning them.. when we ourselves have sin… When the Pharisees came to Jesus and told about the adulteress woman… they wanted to see condemnation, but Christ told them” if you have no sin in your life be the fist one to stone her” and this is how we always want to see each other.. We need to stop seeing the “aulteress woman “ in each other and pray to God for him to show us the transformation, not only conversion in people, and we need to stop laying down the law on each other… God says, “it is not a fight of flesh and blood, it is a fight with the principalities” we are not fighting each other… we are fighting the Spirits behind our actions… control, religious, judgement, whatever you can see in a person… we need to stop looking with our flesh, but let our spirit guide us in to what is needed to, and as well, wait for the Lords call on the things that we need to fulfill, for his Glory not ours.. and if it means to make peace with your brothers and sisters than do so!!!
Going back to Matthew 10:21-23, the Lord has only giving me so much to say.. and it happens everywhere I go… that he tells me not to loose hope… in prayer… but to move on with what He has asked me to continue to do! In school, there are many that are hungry to know the word of God, but so few are willing to listen and the Lord has shown me to those that are willing and flee from those that are not.. now it doesn’t mean I can’t talk to them at all, I can talk to them, but not about God. Why? Because God has been with me at time in my life lately, sharing the truth, but if they only want me to speak to persecute me and not to hold any of His truth, the Lord takes me away from sharing to them… but brings others to let his word be known. And it has been amazing how that works. But I am also responsible to continue to pray for those who I fled from, and continuing my hope, that the Lord will transform them in who He wants them to be… prayer is amazing.. and the experience to pray to the Lord is just awesome. And I will continues to share His living Gospel, until the Lord takes me from here!!!
24"A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. 25It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebub,[c] how much more the members of his household!
26"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 27What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. 28Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny[d]? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
And just how the Lord has been humbling me not to be above the others but to be a bond servant to him, and not acknowledge the position he has given me but to be a bondservant… and not use my position as only authority or to think that I am better but to know that I am a servant of Him and of those around me. That He has granted me with a leadership position, but He has also set me out as an example to have a reason to be more like Jesus… and not forget, who He was and how he was with others.

Something else in this dryness, he has shown me how special we are to Him…. He reminded me of this the whole week. Letting me know that I am special to him.. but you know sometimes we flip as our desires want to creep up… and when we see ourselves and our ugliness, we cant see how the Lord is seeing us! But I praise you God for showing me and continuing to love me, wether I have sin or I doubt or am confused… I praise the Lord for his power, wisdom, strength , knowledge, love, and passion to continue to love us… and love me, when I know how weird I can be sometimes… but I praise you God.. and for those who read… these are just things that the Lord has been doing and showing me and telling me and He has just placed all this for many reasons… for me to see how great his love is, how his power is not to be underestimated, how his word describes who we are, how He loves us UNCONDITIONALLY… and to remind us why we are here and who he is… and to continue in our faith, hope, love, and our passion to be more like Jesus everyday!!!

Blessings to all, and I pray that through these things you can be encouraged and know that there is hope, and that he has not forsaken us when we think we are, but that He uses all things, to grow us in the image he wants to see us when he comes back…
2Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears,[a]we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.
To him is all the Glory… I love you Lord, and thank you Father for loving me and being patient with me!!!

Your daughter,
nightmarechick

QUESTION #2. List the three dangerous results found in Matthew 24:10–12 that can occur if we allow offense to remain in our hearts

2005-08-21T03:37:00.000-07:00

QUESTION #2. List the three dangerous results found in Matthew 24:10–12 that can occur if we allow offense to remain in our hearts (please use King James Version). How can we obtain an unoffendable heart? (No more than 20 sentences, no less than 10)

The tree dangerous result found in Matt. 24:10 are betrayal, hatred for each other and the love of people growing cold. This is a warning from God for us to protect our hearts for offenses that lead to these three things. Once we are born again, we become a new creation in Christ. God promised to give us a new heart and life. But it does take a lot of our own self to accomplish the goal and reach to obtain an unoffendable heart. We ourselves need to be willing to open our hearts to God, every time we receive pain or any other offense to shield it with the love, prayer, and humility, that God has given us.

We can obtain an unoffendable heart of Christ by making our everyday about God, walking with him always. Growing in our love for him. Not just following him, but allowing Him to perfect us through those hard times. Keeping ourselves holy and pure. Avoiding contact of all impurity, like sin, self-pity, self-righteousness, and the worst of all pride. Even when we are right and we are being corrected, to just to jump and attack at defense but at those times turn to Christ and ask Him what he wants us to do with that. Asking for forgiveness even though we didn’t do anything. That shows how God is molding you in humility and giving you a humble heart.
In Revelations 3:19 God says, “ I rebuke those whom I love”, and just knowing that God’s rebukes also come through our brothers and sisters. He uses others to correct us as a sign of His love. Making our wounds hurt even more and receiving them from God for him to perfect us through these wounds, and allowing our selves to become more like Christ. Being able to receive correction with out our pride getting in the way.

Humility, prayer, unity, and commitment, have a great part in these areas of our lives. Obedience is the main one though. Without obedience, it makes things for us more difficult. But if we place our flesh and follow accusations or offenses, it is harder to be obedient and have humility in our lives. We need to nail and die to our judgment and criticism. We should not worry of how much or how little or ask why me or such things like that, but just seek God in these times of “suffering and joy” for his teachings, purpose and perfection for us, and allow him to cleanse us and purify us and have Him guide us to our daily lives.

This is one of my essays

QUESTION #1. List a minimum of three Scriptures that support the idea that God’s desire is for us to become like Jesus. Explain why you agree with thi

2005-08-21T03:35:00.000-07:00

QUESTION #1. List a minimum of three Scriptures that support the idea that God’s desire is for us to become like Jesus. Explain why you agree with this desire? (no more than 20 sentences, no less than 10).

There are more than three scriptures that stood out to me. But if we start from the beginning, in Genesis 1:26 Gods words are, “let us make man in our image and likeness”. When he mentioned let us, he was obviously talking about the Father, Son , and the Holy Spirit. God let us know there that he had a purpose and that was to bring his son on earth to be his representative and his reflection on earth. When Jesus was here and was crucified, man was able to become in “his image” and “likeness”, through repentance and salvation. In Hebrews 1:3 it says “ He is the exact representation of his being”. Romans 8:26 says that “he predestined those he forknew to be conformed in the likeness of his son”. God is telling us that he made us not only to follow him but to become like Christ.
1 John 2:6 says,” whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did”. We don’t only except Christ to have a normal but a radical life. Our father specifically lets us know how we should be walking if we claim to be with Him. Jesus was obedient, humble, compassionate, loving, seeking his Father always, and all good things. Hebrews 5:8 says even though he was the son; he learned obedience from what he suffered,” and in 2 Timothy 1:6 we are asked to “suffer for the Gospel”. Jesus suffered more that anyone we can think of to live out the Gospel. He took every step of faith and every step that his Father asked him to take. As we continue having a relationship with Christ, God gives us his son in our hearts not just to keep him in but to fill us to be able to bring him out and share who Jesus Christ is and for the Gospel to be known.
Phillipians 3:7-11 says,” But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead”. Paul himself knows that all the desires in this world are nothing to compared to the fullness of Christ. Paul’s desire is to pursue the love and fullness of Christ. This verse tells me a lot. How sometimes we are so blind to see how “rubbish” our desires are and we are so blind to see that. But it is also encouraging to know that we are able to reach perfection by receiving Christ’s fullness and doing as he wants with us to fulfill his purpose. At times, it is easier for people just to follow Christ, not to be Christlike. I bet it is way harder but it is worth the adventure. It is about representing Jesus Christ and leaving our own self back home, letting Jesus completely take over your mind, soul, body, and heart, and just letting his fullness complete you.
Although this verse wasn’t mentioned, this is something that the Lord has shown me in the last couple weeks, 1John 3:2, “Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears,[a]we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.” He is telling us that when he appears we “shall” be like him. He is letting us know ahead what he is expecting from us. Unless we leave our flesh and desires behind, and unless we are willing to let go of ourselves, it will be harder to let the spirit fill us with Christ. We need to be obedient to his word and commands, and open our hearts, so that the hope we have in him will purify us, and through all that, just letting him work in us to fulfill his goal and purpose to reach Christlikeness and let the world know who Jesus Christ is for his own glory.

This was an essay that i worked on... what do you think about it...
blessings Nightmarechick

The Beauty and Appreciation of Art

2005-08-21T03:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder how this world would be with no color, no creativity, no shape of form of any kind or just there was nothing genuine in it... it makes me wonder... but as the time is here art is very important not just in my life but also in everybody elses... it can be any type of art. I'm not neccesarily talking about a picture of a piece of art but an expression of life... how we live... the roots we carry... pretty much our lifestyle. I love the fact that we are all created equal in Gods eyes in love... I mean...but in other in other aspects we seem to have a special touch from our creator in heaven... He sort of spices up to be a creation who are ready to create... we ourselves are a creation in our own hands... how we dress, how we look, who we are... we are beautiful... we have the perfect parts that our God has given us... but you know when you are creating it even makes it more interesting because you show yourself a little of you everytime you keep reaching the limit of creativity... but yes you know we are a beautiful creation and we make beautiful creations as well... see ya soon
Nightmarechick

INSPIRATION

2005-08-21T03:31:00.000-07:00

I love being inspired and when I get inspired great ideas come and just flow... I am such and idea person... but the best part of an idea... is putting it to action... I am an artist because I can follow a line... I am an artist because I can see the inner beauty in people... I am an artist because I can see nature and in the city and how beautiful it is... I am an artist because God created me and send me to create... I am an artist because I can see the artist in you... we are all artist and we all not know this but we are and I just hope that you guys will understand of how beautiful you are and how much beauty we can all create... love... Nightmarechick

The NEW creation in CHRIST

2005-08-21T03:23:00.000-07:00

You know sometimes I wonder why God chooses people to be new creations... or why are we here... and that is something that in the long run I will understand from him and I will wonder for a while... but at the same time I have the faith thats it takes me to believe and know that God is my one and only hope that I have and that I will always have and you know this feeling is so beautiful... because no matter how hard you think your life is God is Good... and nothing can change that... no one can take that away... I feel renewed and I feel like I can overcome all this sadness that crawls daily in my heart... the pitty of myself of knowing that I have things out of reach or just not understandin what is really real or if I am real or if the world I am in really exists but you know what I know this is real and everything around me is real and I am a new creation, and the reason why these feelings come up because it's like being born again but you know in Spirit with Christ... and as the time comes to seek the Lord more and more... I understand the reason why He made me who I am and why I am like this and I love God because He made me unique and He Loves me...
Galatians 2:2
Blessings,
Nightmarechick...peace and Love

Who am I in Christ?

2005-08-21T03:21:00.000-07:00

Who am I in Christ? I am precious in His eyes and I am a warrior princess... I am a co-heir to the throne... I am His daughter... I am perfect in His eyes... I am salt of the earth... I am all that He sees me as... How do I know this? Because of His great love and mercy that He has for us all we are all made to be perfect in His eyes as a new creation that we are and we are all His Prince's and Princess's and we are all equall to Him... He loves no one more than He loves anyone else... His love so equal that He even loves a murderer... His love for us manifest as soon as we repent... How does this happen... I mean He made us and He sent His son to die for us all and so we can receive eternal life and love others... and He chosed us... which is the coolest part of God's character so... it is never late to repent... I hope that you all can experience the love of God and I will be so happy for you and so will the angels in Heaven...Luke 15:7 "7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." Remember Jesus love all... blessings...Nightmarechick

Sometimes we all suck!!!

2005-04-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been just so deppressed and so hateful toward myself and others... hurting myself with not letting things go and no getting rid of strongholds I have just with relationships with people of things that I guess I haven't forgived them for and also I guess just forgiving myself of so much pain I cause in my own self... I hate the damage... it takes me no where but to ruin my own self... my life goes before me and flashes and just sometimes I just say to myself... wow... I suck and I will always suck... but I know that I shouldn't do that because it will take me no where but to just cause deep wounds and just keep stabbing my heart with meaningless and unneccesary things... which there is no need for but sometimes it is just so hard to get rid of all those unneccessary things which you don't want to think of and believe me... I go through this alot and I don't like the feeling of it at all... it wears me down and it fatigues me and it just causes so much damage that it doesn't want me to do anything and just hate everything and everyone around me... but I don not want to be my old self anymore I just want to have peace and joy in my heart in the good and in the bad times and you know someday I will have that joy someday and when I reach to that level I know that God has had a great break through and just know that His love never fails and that wether my attitude or I myself suck He will never let me down... He is my Hero... ok well, don't want to bore you so bye...blessings... Nightmarechick

what's up:http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=8071941&Mytoken=20050411231419

2005-04-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

come check me out yo!!!

Press on the title just in case my link doesnt come out... laters... Nightmarechick

Paintings, music, teaching, and more...

2005-03-14T23:44:00.000-08:00

Well, lately as you can see I did not even touch my blog, which makes me sad cuz I wish that I would have even more time to type things. Well, I LOVE TO PAINT!!! I have been painting lately and just feeling so relaxed when I do it. Also drumming and cosmetology things. Today I got a new acoustic guitar my first one ever. So I am very excited to keep learning how to play. Well, I wil write more tomorrow so don't leave far away... Loves and Kisses... SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOTIOUS!!!

God of Wonders

2005-02-05T01:40:00.000-08:00

My God is an awesome God! I love HIM so muchhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! It is unexplainable! Just noticing everything he blesses us with is so huge!!! Cool, huh!!! I've had awesome friends and a new awesome family to share my joy with!!! Well, it's mimis time so see ya later!!!

Life is a precious gift so "use it wisely"!!!

2005-01-14T01:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I've wonder so many times how I would be living with the so many decisions I would make in my life. As I grew up I had like three homes and they were my mom's, my dad's, and the last but not list my aunt's. I liked being at my aunts, but when I saw my parents for most of the time, I was happy. I've always wondered if I make myself a victimous child or if I was really a victim as a child. Low self-esteem, unexpressable, angry, and the list might go on.
I just think that if you always hold that grudge inside you will never get over the fact that you can do better in life. There is a God that has saved mine and I love him for that. I do believe that Jesus is Lord. And He is the reason why I have life not on earth only but in heaven, in His Kingdom, eternal life.
My God has helped me fight battles and more than ever I struggle with lots of things still, but I wont give up and I know that he wont give up on me. I know that sometimes I can be a big "asshole" and I hate myself, especially when I am like that with my loved ones. It's hard to have family that don't have a passion of love for the one person we all should. But you know what that is where faith comes and where we should be curious about knowing what living for Him really means.
Sometimes I wonder what He has for me, but a little "me" tells me to be patient and not wonder but live what He is giving me to live now. I am certain that whatever he gives me will be good. I have been meditating on how I want to live more for Him now and how it is important to do that. To really abide in Him for every single detail of my life.
People might think I am crazy but, I am not ashamed of the Gospel, of the love that my Lord Jesus Christ gave me. I am not ashamed. People that reject Him should be ashamed for not listening to Him or opening up to Him. For living without thanking. For breathing without noticing what a special gift it is to breath. Just imagine how important one breath is in your life. I tell you know, start thinking of what you want and I pray for the world to have a different view in who our MIghty God is!!!

Galatians 2:20 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
20)I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

How awesome is this verse!!!

1Timothy 4:11-16 (New International Version
New Internationla Version (NIV)
11)Command and teach these things. 12)Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 13)Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. 14)Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.
15)Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 16)Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

Holidays are just like every other day!!!

2005-01-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

Well, these holidays for me were not as great as I would think, it all started from the point that I had to go back home and when I got their. Sometimes, somethings seem unfair to me but I act immature upon them when I shouldn't have. Like rejecting your friends, your family, and your self.
It's hard to live a lifestyle and then people criticizing you about how wrong you're doing it. But all I say is well I still have flesh and bones and I am "human" so I have feelings and still make mistakes and will continue to do them not because I choose to or am stubborn but because I am not perfect.
Anyway, back to my topic, Christmas now has a special meaning to me. The blessing and the birth of Jesus. That is what christmas is all about. Either way "shit happens" I don't blame my God because he is not to blame, our sin is to be blamed and yet some of us seem to ignore it, not understand it, or just give it the finger. It is unfair how we blame our God for what happens but it is not Him it is us.
The day after Christmas, I spoke to my father since like two years ago. Man, I was just like dude where were you!!! Not exactly like that but somewhat. it was a quick b.s. conversation, but it was one, and I know now that it is not my responsibility to look or find him, he should do his best to do that. I am old enough to do it but when a parent is immature and not understanding what being a parent is, then your better off with yourself and not getting hurt. Like they say, "if you love a person, just let them go, eventually someday they will come back". It is just a saying but I know that if my God wants me to see him again, I will, if not oh well, within time I will know what was the cause for it.
Well, after this I spoke with him and after a day or so he never returned my phone call, again no hope for the lost but yet I don't want to give up. I will think of him and remember who he is but wont look or find him. The pain he had left me with was not good and now I can rest and know that atleast I called to tell him that I loved him.
But berore my father's incident, my bro.'s girl was introuble, it is a complicated story which I do not want to go in detail. What leads me to this it's that sometimes other's sin causes others to be punished by it but at the same time you have your own convictions to deal with and struggles in life that you want to work on.
Holidays can be holidays but for me they are the same because no matter what day it is, my life is to be with my God, and to follow him wether it is a holiday or whatever else we have day. All these battles I have been and won have been because He has helped me and I have joined His army.
To finish off, well, I just think about all these things and want to meditate on them and reflect on them and try and see how I van help my self and fix my heart. Til' next time.

System of a down

2004-12-17T19:08:00.000-08:00

"Look at each other" this is one of my favorite songs

HIgh's and Low's

2004-12-12T23:52:00.001-08:00

Well, sometimes I feel that my life feels like a rollercoaster. It goes in weird directions and if goes up and down and sometimes it just goes round and round like a loop. That is a weird observation don't you think so. It's like sometimes I feel like a freakin schidzo, with a double personality. But it is just all this weirdness that I feel and dumb stuff that I think off. Well, you know we all are a little crazy. Can you blame us for being human. I mean like their is sin and sin and sin. And do people listen...no, we don't listen and we are just sometimes to ignorant to understand situations. I mean why are we here? To love one another and to love God. Man it is just as simple as that, easy to say but not to do. Well, as for now I need to think about what i just wrote and you know when I do I will get back to you on this topic and well see how well my brain is operation now cuz I am tired up the butt. Peace out!!!

Neverending frustrations of life... they SUCK!!!

2004-12-09T22:31:00.000-08:00

Why is life so full of frustrations and dissapointments sometimes...
Why is it so hard to be joyful and understanding and cooperative sometimes. My life has always been a big dissappointment to my eyes and I don't really know how long it will continue... is it punishment or is it that you are not aware and you are always putting yourself down.... Who know's but you know I am trying to deal with them instead of avoiding them and being heartbroken, is a big frustration and something big to deal with. I don't know if I just made any sense or what but you know maybe I need to deal with stuff more often and not avoid situations. I frustrate myself more by avoiding and rejecting what is needed to be done. It sounds awkward and strange but I know that maybe this is something that I need to do in life. Most of you would probably avoid situations and so did I and you know I want to stop. Life itself sometimes we think of it as "life sucks" but it's just how we live it and what we make out of it. Neverending frustrations that suck... I think that we learn how to deal with once you notice that they are really controling you and you can't surrender from any of it. You know what ever situation whatever frustration comes I just say well f**k it and deal with your sh*t. Cant' it be any clearer than that. Well until the next time. Peace out!!!

Who am I ? Let's find out!!!

2004-12-09T01:40:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder who I am and what I am all about!!! I can't identify the real person in me which leads me 2 frustration and not being me but being this angry creature. U know, it's just weird how sometimes people just look at me and just like totally think I am this other person. Judgement... it sucks and specially when u receive it... yes indeed but u know things like that have made me look closer and love myself more than b4. Love is... easy 2 say but hard 2 do. Have u ever been in this situation. I love people... but sometimes loving 2 much also frustrates because they want more and more and there is just so much that u can give and receive. I love being LOVED but sometimes I get caught into it and it is either 2 good or fake... are u with me. I am such a weird thinker and I like speaking my mind and if u don't like it well, wrong person 2 come 2. It is hard 2 love but I am getting better at it and leaving out the dumb details of life for me not 2 love. My dad didn't love me but I love him. Wow, it's hard but u grow and overcome things like these and so far many of these I have. Never let go of ur feelings but also never let them drive u crazy and overpower u. Well as 4 now, I need my beauty sleep so do u, so I will see u soon and speak my mind... Peace out!!!

dang!

2004-12-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say tonight seeing as I'm half asleep. Within time I hope to have something more exciting for you to read....but not till later. Night.